LAUGH OF THE DAY

I must give thanks to my buddy Erin for sending this to me today. I laughed out loud.

SANJAYA

What image does that name bring to you? For those of you who watch American Idol, the answer is clear. Sanjaya is the name of one of the final 12 contestants on this year's show. He is also the weakest singer of the entire group. Sanjaya's name has been all over the news the past few weeks as well. Why?

Well, there's a website called VOTEFORTHEWORST.COM. It encourages people to vote for the worst singer each week. The goal is to simply mess with the contest. Does it work? Well, last year, the website latched onto a guy named Anthony Fedorov. Each week they promoted him, despite the fact that he was clearly the least-talented singer on the show. Fedorov ended up finishing in fourth place.

Well this season the website is back again. And now they have a new ally - Howard Stern. Howard Stern has jumped on the "Vote For Sanjaya" bandwagon. He's asked all of his listeners to follow suit. So how's he doing? In the last two weeks, Sanjaya hasn't even finished in the bottom three of the voting process. One of Stern's listeners even called in to say he had found a way to vote for Sanjaya 14,000 times. He intends to vote for Sanjaya between 50,000 and 100,000 times each week from here on out.

Well, yesterday Howard played various clips from entertainment shows and news shows that talked about the Sanjaya story. Even FOX News had an editorial about it. And across the board, these reporters say they're shocked and disgusted with what Howard is doing. "He's ruining the competition!" "He's making a mockery of the voting process!" "He's compromising the integrity of the show!"

GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!!

This is a fucking TV show people! This isn't important business. Whether or not Sanjaya wins will make no impact on the lives of American citizens. All of this amounts to absolutely nothing. Jesus people, get a grip. If Sanjaya wins, I assure you, life will go on. The world will not come to an end.

Some people say that by voting for Sanjaya, they're taking away an opportunity for a singer who is really talented. Wrong! The only way that would happen is if Sanjaya actually won the entire contest. At that point, he'd take away the title from the #2 finisher. But look, if people truly have singing talent, and are worthy of a recording contract, they will get one regardless of where they finish. Besides, finishing #2 has worked out pretty well for the likes of Clay Aiken and Bo Bice.

How does Sanjaya feel about it? He seems to be reveling in the attention. He's having a ball.

I don't vote for anyone. The show isn't important to me. If I'm around, and it's on, I might tune in. But if I miss it, I'm perfectly fine with it. But all that being said, next week, I'm voting for Sanjaya.

SIRIUS

As some of you may know, I've had Sirius Satellite Radio in my car for the past two years. It is really a cool item - like cable for your car! Anyway, since January, 2006, I've become a huge fan of the Howard Stern show. I love it!

Well yesterday, Howard took a call from a listener. The guy said that Sirius has the best customer service on the planet. He told how his radio somehow broke. So he called Sirius. And they sent him a brand new one for free. All he had to do was pay for the shipping.

Well, this past summer, we came back from a vacation. And my Sirius was on the floor of the car. It must have gotten too hot in the car, and the suction cup thingee fell off. Since that time, the Sirius hasn't worked 100%. It'll be fine for several minutes. Then it will suddenly lose the signal - only to have it come back again a few seconds later. It might cut in and out like that continually. Other times it will work with no problems whatsoever.

I replaced the antenna, thinking there was a short in it. That didn't work. Then I noticed that if I squeeze the receiver, the lost signal will suddenly come back. So clearly, there's a short inside of it somewhere. I didn't want to spring for a new one. So I've just been living with it.

Well after hearing that guy on the phone, I called myself. Sure shit, for only $7.95 shipping and handling, they're sending me a brand new receiver, antenna and suction cup thingee!

Sirius fricken' rocks! Their customer service sure beats that of Walmart and Verizon. (See my two previous posts).

WALMART

Inspired by Greg's blog about how much Walmart sucks, reminded me of an incident that happened to me a few years ago.

I was at my local Walmart purchasing season 4 of The Simpsons. While driving in the car, I ripped off the cellophane wrapping. When I got home, I went to add it to the DVD shelf. Oops! I'd already bought it! So now I had two of them. What to do? Simple enough. Just take it back.

Simple my ass!

I explained to the nice (snotty) girl at the service desk that I had bought it by mistake. I made up some sort of story about receiving it as a gift. But the girl wasn't having any of it. Since I'd opened the package, she refused to take it back under any circumstances. So I coyly asked her, "What if the DVD skips or something?" Then she said, "Yes, you could then exchange it."

So I devised a plan.

The next day, I took it back to the service desk. Thankfully a different woman was there. Actually, I had initially walked into the store to check on that first. Anyway, I told her that I'd just bought this, and that one of the DVD's skipped. She told me I could exchange it if I wanted to. I figured I'd get a new one, then return the new one (unopened) at a later date for a store credit.

So I gleefully walked to the electronics section and grabbed a new one. When I got back to the service desk, I was horrified to find that the girl from the day before was there. So I smugly said to her, "Would you believe there actually was a skip?" I think she was disgusted. Then she took the upper hand and handed me the new one - but not before ripping the cellophane off it yet again.

Denied!

Well, I can play this game forever. I decided to take it back the next day, claiming the same problem. At one point I thought I would go into the store at another time, and hide all of the season 4 Simpsons DVD's. If they didn't have a replacement, they'd have to give me a store credit, wouldn't they?

Well, the next day, the snotty girl wasn't working. So I returned the DVD to the woman at the service desk. She had me go get a replacement. And this time, the woman did not take off the cellophane wrapping. Woohoo!

A week later, we drove up to Manitowoc to spend the weekend with my parents. Earlier that day, I called the Walmart in Manitowoc and told them I'd received two Simpsons DVD's for my birthday. I asked if I could bring one of them in and exchange it for a store credit. They said I could, even though it had been purchased from a different Walmart. So that night, I got my store credit.

I won!

Now I had every intention of winning. It was the right thing to do. All I wanted was a store credit to begin with. Target will grant you that, no questions asked. But Walmart acted like a bitch. So I bitch-slapped them right back. Plus they now had to go through the bother of returning two seasons worth of DVD's for the alleged skipping problem.

Oh well. I sleep good at night.

UPDATE - VERIZON

Check out my Verizon post below. There are some updates. They got my letter!

A CHANCE MEETING?

A few weeks back, there was a discussion about soulmates. I think it was on muscular Officer Brad's blog. Anyway, it got me thinking a step firther beyond my thoughts on the prospect of soulmates.

I don't know if I have a question here. But I just have some thoughts. I'd like to know about how people met their spouse. Now granted, there are some people who grew up near their spouse, or went to school with them. It happens all the time. But I'm quite sure that repersents only a small percentage of married couples. I'm assuming that most people meet their future spouse when they were adults - be it in a bar, in college, or whatever.

In my own situation, I met my wife online. It was Saturday, March 28, 1998. It was 7:00 P.M. That night, I had plans to go to a strip joint - "On The Border" in Milwaukee. At 8:00, Meff's roommate (The Frogman) was coming by to pick me up. We were then going to drive to Meff's video store and pick him up.

So anyway, I had just gotten out of the shower and was getting dressed. I decided to go online to check my E-mail. Now at that time, AOL had some sort of "penpal" thing going on - which was more-or-less like a personals section. I had written to women in there, and had met some as well. I decided to check that section again. Now, AOL also would show a little icon next to those people who happened to be online at that exact moment as well. Since I only had an hour, I didn't feel like writing to anyone. But I figured I'd send an instant message to someone who I found interesting - assuming of course that they were online.

Well, I found someone who happened to be online. So I IM'ed her. This woman would later be my wife. But at the moment, I was a random IM to her. We ended up chatting for about 50 minutes. Meanwhile, I still had to get dressed and find something fast to eat. At the end of that 50 minutes, she asked if I wanted to see her picture. Of course I said yes. So she sent it. I liked what I saw. But then I informed her that I had to run, as someone was picking me up in 10 minutes, and I hadn't dressed or eaten yet. She of course took this to mean I was unimpressed with her photo and was brushing her off. I don't remember what she said. But it was dripping with some "yeah right" sarcasm. I told her she was completely off base, and that I really had to go. I also told her I'd E-mail her back that night, when I got home. I think she believed me for the most part, but wasn't 100% convinced.

Anyway, I did E-mail her back at about 2:00 in the morning or so. And the next day we spoke on the phone. She wanted to come over that night. I was too nervous. So I held her off for a week. But she ended up coming over to my apartment on Sunday April 5th. A few months later we were engaged.

My life with her couldn't be any better than it is. But it made me think about the "what ifs." What if I had decided to watch COPS that night, instead of checking my E-mail? What if she hadn't been online when I went online? If either of those things hadn't occurred, where would my life be today? Would I be single? Would I be married to someone else? Would I live in Wisconsin? Would I have gone out with some pyscho chick who would castrate me while I sleep, and feed my privates to her dog? Maybe I would have met my same future wife three months later.

Who knows...

It just seems weird that the events happened as they did. It's like everything had to come together perfectly for it to happen. One deviation, and the course of life would be altered forever. Am I the only one who had a potential "close call?"

VERIZON SUCKS!

Below is a copy of the complaint letter that I sent to Verizon today. I sent it to eight different Verizon corporate addresses. Is my anger justified?
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March 2, 2007

Dear Verizon,

My name is Brother Walrus. My account number is XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. I had two land-line phone numbers with you – 1-XXX-XXX-9999 and 1-XXX-XXX-2193. Our DSL service was attached to the “2193” number.

On Monday February 19, 2007, I called Verizon. My wife and I decided to disconnect the “2193” line. So I called to do just that. I informed the Verizon employee that my DSL service was connected to the “2193” number, and that we would need that to be connected to the “9999” number instead. He assured me that could be done. He also informed me that a service technician would not have to come out to our house, as everything could be done internally. I confirmed with him several times that we would not have ANY interruption with our DSL service. He assured me that we would not. He even said it would be a “seamless transition.” Again, I confirmed this with him several times. I believe the order number was L2165266. He told me that the process would take 5-7 days.

Later that week, I lifted up the phone on the “2193” number and found that there was no dial tone. I thought it was odd that the “9999” number wasn’t providing a dial tone. But regardless, the 5-7 day timeframe hadn’t passed yet. So I assumed Verizon was simply in the process of doing what they needed to do.

Then on Monday, February 26, 2007, my wife called to inform me that the DSL service was down. So I called Verizon to find out what was going on. I was then informed that I had placed some sort of “move order” and that the DSL service was in fact disconnected. I was then placed on hold several times and transferred from one person to the next. Eventually I spoke with a woman who informed me that it would be impossible to do the switch internally, as the “2193” phone jack would need to be rewired for the “9999” number. Needless to say, I was very angry. This is NOT what the Verizon employee told me when I placed the order on February 19th. I was assured time and again that there would be no interruption.

I ended up being on the phone for a little over an hour. I was demanding that somebody do something to fix the situation. I was told that it was too late, and that there was nothing that anyone can do, other than schedule a phone jack rewiring and a reconnect of the DSL service. I asked if they could reverse the order. I was told no. I asked if they could expedite the order. Again, I was told no. The best they could do was start the process again. I was told that the DSL would be restored by March 12, 2007. So I went ahead and scheduled the DSL to be hooked back up. I also scheduled a technician to come out and rewire the phone jack. In regards to the rewiring, I was given two options. I could either have someone come out on Thursday, March 1, 2007 between 8:00 AM and 8:00 PM. Or I could choose Friday, March 2, 2007 between 8:00 AM and 12:00 PM. Obviously I went with the Friday choice, as a four-hour window is far better than a 12-hour window. I was told that there would be no charge for the rewiring, as I have some sort of “line maintenance” option on the phone. As I was still angry, I asked to speak to a supervisor. I was told that none were available, but that one would call me back within 24 hours.

The next 24 hours passed with no call from a Verizon supervisor. So I took the initiative to call them back myself. In the course of the phone call, I was once again transferred from one person to the next. At one point, I was on hold for a total of 40 minutes! In the end, the entire phone call lasted over 2.5 hours. During that time period, I estimate that I was on hold for about two hours and 20 minutes.

I did eventually speak to a supervisor. The supervisor apologized several times, but reiterated that there was nothing he could do to fix the situation immediately. In frustration I told him I wanted to disconnect everything. He said ok, and transferred me to somebody else.

The next woman I spoke with asked me why I was canceling everything. I told her my story, and said unless she can do something, I wanted to terminate all my services. She gave me the same story, while apologizing. Finally I asked her if I could get some sort of compensation for all the trouble. She then said she could do a one-time credit of $29.99 for all the trouble Verizon had caused. It’s a bit mind-boggling that I had to ask for it myself, as opposed to it being offered to me. But nonetheless, based on the compensation, I accepted the offer. I once again confirmed with her that the technician would be coming out on Friday March 2, 2007 between 8:00 AM and 12:00 PM. I also confirmed that the DSL would be hooked up by March 12, 2007. She confirmed both dates. She also mentioned that the DSL could be back up a few days prior to March 12th. I believe the order number (perhaps credit number) was CICNO 48017283.

My wife rearranged her schedule so she could be home on March 2, 2007 for the technician. Unfortunately, no one ever showed up. So once again, I was on the phone with Verizon. This time I got a recording that said something to the effect of “my wait time may be longer than expected, due to heavy call volume.” (Big surprise.) When I got to speak to someone, the woman informed me that there was no technician scheduled for March 2nd. Instead, she showed that the technician was scheduled for Tuesday, March 6, 2007 between 1:00 PM and 5:00 PM! First of all, this is NOT the appointment I made. Second, I would never schedule an appointment for that time, as my daughter has her dance class during that timeframe.

What is going on here??? How can one company make one mistake after another?

Again, I was shuffled from one department to another. I believe I spoke with five different people. During my conversation with the fourth person, she looked through her system and did confirm that there was a technician scheduled to come out on March 2nd. But she also showed that a technician was scheduled to come out on March 6th. She couldn’t provide me any explanation as to what happened. So she did what everybody else had done – she put me on hold and transferred me to another department.

I ended up speaking with a man who apologized to me, but said his system showed nothing scheduled for March 2nd. I told him that the woman who transferred me to him DID show the original appointment scheduled for March 2nd. He literally said to me, “I wish I knew who that person was.” I then asked him to tell me who made the appointment for Tuesday March 6th. Because I certainly didn’t! He told me his computer didn’t show that information. If it did, I would be including that person’s name in this letter. If Tuesday March 6th wouldn’t work for me (which it didn’t) the best he could do was reschedule for Monday, March 12, 2007! Anyway, the man told me he would try to expedite the order to see if someone could come out on the afternoon of March 2nd. I asked him if someone would call me back one way or the other to let me know. He assured me that someone would. I can’t begin to tell you how thrilled my wife was at the prospect of having her entire day compromised, instead of just the morning. The entire phone call with Verizon lasted over an hour.

True to his word, someone from Verizon called me back about an hour later. The woman informed me that there was simply no way someone could come out on March 2nd. However, she did say that they would get someone out on Monday March 5, 2007 between 1:00 PM and 5:00 PM. As a courtesy, she provided a $25.00 credit for the inconvenience.

As I’m writing this, my anger with Verizon is intense. At the very least, we are without internet service for two weeks. Assuming it does get reinstated on March 12th, I fully anticipate having to contact Verizon to adjust my bill, as I’m fairly certain there will be no credit for the missed time.

What I can’t understand is how a legitimate company like Verizon could possibly make so many mistakes. I know you record all conversations for “quality assurance.” I would really like someone to go back and listen to my calls – especially the initial one on February 19th. His “seamless transition” has turned into two weeks of hell and five hours on the phone with Verizon – of which 4.5 hours of the time was spent on hold!

This disruption has affected two of the three online businesses that my wife and I run. It’s hard to run an online business when you can’t get online! And why is it that when we wanted to sign up with Verizon, there was virtually no wait time. Yet when we have a problem, we’re on hold forever? Your wait times are intolerable! Your process of transferring people between one department and another is also intolerable. As a consumer, I expect a lot more from my phone company. This entire episode has given us thoughts about dumping Verizon altogether.

I would love to have a reply to my concerns.

Sincerely,

Disgruntled Walrus

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UPDATE - 3/16/07 - Well, as you know, Verizon was scheduled to come out to my house Monday March 5, 2007 between 1:00 P.M. and 5:00 P.M. But did they actually show up? Of course not! Yes, believe it or not, nobody came. How mad was I? Well, around 5:20, I got on the phone yet again. After waiting perhaps 30 minutes, I finally reached a human being. When I inquired as to why nobody showed up, I was told, "Our technicians are running a little bit behind today. So we might not be able to get someone out to your home until March 12th.

Excuse me... what??? They're running "a little behind" so it may take another week? Does this make the slightest bit of sense to anyone? I couldn't take anymore. I immediately asked to speak with a supervisor. A few minutes later, I was greeted by Kelly. Needless to say, Kelly got an earful! I was angry. I didn't yell and scream. But I was loud! I think I almost had Kelly in tears. She apologized up and down and said she would "try" to expedite it (again) and get someone out on Tuesday. When I asked for further compensation, she denied me, saying I was only allowed one such credit.

So here we are. My wife had now altered her schedule to stay home all day on two different days - for no reason whatsoever.

On Tuesday, I received a phone call from the technician! She said she was on her way, and would be out to my house in 15 minutes. In the distance, I swear I heard the angels singing "Hallelujah." She asked about what she would be doing. When I told her, she said, "Oh, no one needs to be home for that. I can do all that from the outside."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuckin' Verizon...

On Wednesday, the day after the technician showed up, the DSL magically came back on. However, it was running a little slower than usual. I called Verizon to complain. And they told me that because the DSL wasn't scheduled to be turned on until March 12th, they would be unable to troubleshoot with me until that day. The guy surmised that I was probably picking up someone else's signal in the neighborhood. Yeah... right. Oh, and I did have to have them adjust my bill, as I had been charged for continuous DSL service since February 19th, the day it was shut off.

On Wednesday March 14th, I received a phone call from Jennifer at some corporate office in Ohio. They had gotten one of my letters! Jennifer's number is 1-888-821-8377. She again apologized on behalf of the company. She said, "We do not like to hear about things like this." Jennifer was very nice. I updated her on my continuing problems. I asked her if my anger was justified. She said, "Yes." At one point she asked me if there was anything they could do. So I told her some sort of compensation would be nice. Eventually she credited our account an additional $120.00 for all the trouble. So in the end, our total credits for this fiasco was $175.00. Not bad. But I'm not sure it was worth it.

Oh, the DSL connection is still slower than it used to be.

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UPDATE - 3/16/07 - As it turns out, I am not alone in my disgust with Verizon. Check this guy out. Here's a check he wrote to Verizon a few months ago. Below that is a Youtube recording of a phone call he made to Verizon. I love it!